The Child of my Beloved
by HappyMollyWeasley
Summary: Severus Snape loved Lily Evans, Sirius Black loved James Potter. This is their thoughts and feelings about Lily's and James's child.


_The first time I saw him I was taken aback. I don't know what I expected, but I hadn't guessed that the sight of the child would affect me so. He was only eleven years old at the time, small and skinny in his brand new Hogwarts robes. Lily's child. Lily, my Lily. If the world had been right he would have been my child. I can still picture it before my eyes: Lily by my side, he rounded belly growing, a perfect little baby hand gripping my finger… In a perfect world Lily would have been alive, and we would be in love. That was meant to be, as it was supposed to long before we even started at Hogwarts. I don't know what I expected of Lily's son. I guess I wanted him to be like her, in a way. I wasn't prepared for my own feelings of loathing that welled up inside me when I saw him._

The first time I saw him I was taken aback. I don't know what I expected, but I hadn't guessed that the sight of the child would affect me so. He was only a few days old at the time, small and vulnerable in his pale green romper. I can still picture the day before my eyes: the perfect little baby hand gripping my finger while I fought my tears and my jealousy. James's child. James, my James. If the world had been right he would have been my James, and not the husband of Lily and the father of this baby. In a perfect world James would be at my side, and we would be in love. But that was never meant to be. I thought that I had accepted that already, as I had pretended to be happy for James and Lily for years. I wasn't prepared for my own feelings of jealousy that welled up inside me.

_Her son is fifteen now and he resembles his father so much. They have the same black hair, glasses and smile, and that makes me remember his father every time I see him. Oh, how I hated that boy. I hated him because of his cheeky cockiness, his habit to consciously mess up his hair, his Quidditch skills and his confidence. And I hated him because he was the one who took my Lily away. He knew how I felt, and it was a mutual feeling, I think._

His son is fifteen now and he resembles his father so much. They have the same black hair, glasses and smile, and that makes me remember his father every time I see him. Oh, how I loved that boy. I loved him because of his cheeky cockiness, his habit to consciously mess up his hair, his Quidditch skills and his confidence. And I loved him because he was the one who could make me smile, and who made my knees go weak. He was my best friend, but he had no idea about how I felt, I think.

_He hates me. I can see it in his eyes when he looks at me. He doesn't know how much I loved his mother. To him I am the creepy Potions professor who gives him snarky remarks and unfair treatment. And that is how I want him to see me._

He loves me. I can see it in his eyes when he looks at me. He doesn't know how much I loved his father. I am his godfather and one of his few links to his parents. I am the closest thing to a father to him, I am the one who gives him advice and support. And that is how I want him to see me.

_He has his mother's eyes and that makes me remember that he isn't his father. He has Lily's eyes, and a part of her lives inside him. He is the child of my beloved. I can't bring myself to love him, or even to be nice to him. He reminds me too much of the pain in my life, and the unfairness. My chances of love and happiness are limited at this point. _

He has his mother's eyes and that makes me remember that he isn't his father. He has Lily's eyes, but I can see so much of James in him. He is the child of my beloved. I love him like I would love my own son. He reminds me of the good things in my life, the hopes and the dreams I once had. My chances of love and happiness are limited at this point.

_He is Lily's child, the child of the woman I loved. I will watch over him and protect him and I would give my life to save him if became necessary._

He is James's child, the child of the man I loved. I will watch over him and protect him and I would give my life to save him if became necessary.


End file.
